living like Job

I know my life is nothing like the life of Job.  I have read through the book of Job before, but I usually end with mostly wondering why: Why did God use Job, in this way, to prove his point to Satan?  Why did Job's friends not seem to listen to what Job was saying?  Why did they continue to blame him?

This time it has been a little different.  Some verses just jumped out at me in ways they had never done before.  (Don't you love how the bible is such a living document -- how God uses his Word in different ways each time we read it?)

"His great works are too marvelous to understand.  He performs miracles without number."  Job 9:10

When I read this, I immediately thought "God, perform one in me!". Then I started asking why again! lol!  Why have you not performed a miracle in me, Lord?  Why have you not fixed me?  Why have you not cured me of all my emotional ills?  Why, why, why?

Then, further down the page he continued to speak to me with this:

"Though I am innocent, my own mouth would pronounce me guilty.  Though I am blameless, it would prove me wicked.  I am innocent, but it makes no difference to me -- I despise my life."  Job 9:20-21

Now, please bear with me and trust that God can use his Word in many ways.  The context of this verse may not follow how God used it to speak to me, but that is just how cool God is.

I realized: Oh, so that is the problem.  It isn't God who is pronouncing me guilty (not fixed or cured of my ills).  It is me.  Although I say that God loves me and that he forgives me and that he has given me grace, I don't think I really have accepted it fully as the truth.  There are times that, although God has said these things, and I repeat them (saying I am innocent), it makes no difference to me and I despise my life. That, my dear, is called jumping back into the pit. 

With these next verses from Job, God made it clear to me that fear was drawing me to the pit.  I cannot deal with the fears in my life without his help.  Until I take care of that, I will keep on living like Job.  I do not want to do that.  Here is the last verse of the chapter:

"Then I could speak to him without fear, but I cannot do that in my own strength."  Job 9:35

I love all the winks from God.  This just happens to be my first memory verse for February:

 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8 (NIV)

So, God is telling me that I cannot do it alone and in my own strength, but that He is able to make all grace abound to me. 

Let go, Lisha, and let God work.